And....we're sort of back...

This is where I am at:

I haven't been blogging very much lately...hardly at all, really. And the truth of it is that a few major calamities have surfaced and I've been absolutely overwhelmed with trying to cope with it, keep up with regular day-to-day life, and maintain the ability to keep breathing. I'm not sharing details. It's personal and hard to deal with as it is...But just know, I am totally struggling and totally aware that I am not alone. I haven't blogged lately because the things that are on my mind aren't ready to come out yet, if ever, and not because I am repressing anything--rather I am trying to respect the process of healing and all that comes with it.

I'm sorry if you're upset I don't post pictures of us. I'm not in a place to tackle the weight of keeping pictures posted. Someday soon. I will keep posting these little pictures and quotes. They make me happy. Like giddy happy and when I look at them, I feel like I can breathe again. One of my favorites right now is this one:

Right now I am processing life literally by the hour. If God ever gave me a talent that I absolutely adore, it's the ability that I have been given to compartmentalize. I see each new hour very much the same as other people view a new day or a new month, or even a new year. This brings a lot of order to my universe when I feel like aspects of my life are getting eaten alive by a big black hole. So each hour, I process life as it is--which can be rather gruesome at times--and it balances me, steadies me, allows me to live the truth instead of clinging onto what was not. Acceptance. What a beautiful step in the grieving process. Don't get me wrong, the other steps are great, too. It's awesome that we have emotional reflexes that are predominant in every human being. It allows us to truly relate to any other person at any given time. The grief cycle gives room for connection, to ourselves individually, to those around us. I love when I cycle through and rest on acceptance for awhile before I get whisked away for another battle round.

I read the below quote a lot as well. I have to accept today for what it is, myself for what I have become, my circumstances for what they are. But that doesn't mean I'm ever going to stop believing that He in all of His mysterious ways will be able to completely heal the gaping, festering wounds credited to mortality. This quote seems to keep alive in me something that is vital to the workings of the Atonement: hope. I have to pray, to have dreams and a clear vision of where I want to be, and I've got to believe that after all I am able to do, He's going to get me there.