& that's okay.

I am exhausted. I promise I will blog sometime in the next few days about our whirlwind weekend. I don't have the required amount of energy to give it the proper explanation. Spoiler: Steven and I have such a great support group. I had no idea just what my bishop was talking about when he looked me dead in the eyes and said, "They that be with us are more than they that be with them." The Lord sent promptings to many angels and we didn't know what to do with ourselves. It was a special weekend. But I am exhausted--more than I have ever felt before. I will share as much as I can--some of it is too sacred to go into, but I will share what I can. & that's okay.

One of my professors back in college told me that if you acquire the same bit of information from 3 reliable sources, it was considered valid evidence to back up a claim. Since I've had 3 relatives in the last 48 hours tell me almost verbatim the same piece of advice, I guess I better pay attention and use it. I am going to rip back my obligations down to the bone and for the next 2 weeks cancel any extra, non-vital commitments. I am taking a mental health vacation. I am going to learn how to say "No" without feeling guilty. And I'm going to say "No" and stick to my guns. And I'm going to be okay with saying "No." I will try my darndest to master the basics again and fill my empty reserve right now. I will scale back and slow down. And if 2 weeks isn't long enough, I will extend it as needed. & that's okay.

I'm also going to choose 4 areas to improve right now in my life and spend 1 week working on one area, then move to the next area and work on it. These are things I stress about. These are things I could feel more peace about if I stopped for a minute to research, pray about, meditate on instead of pushing it to the back burner. These are the 4 areas I am most worried about in life. I've chosen: finances, temple work, food storage/self reliance, and one on one time with Steven, Morgan, and Kaia. 
This week I'm going to investigate debt counseling, open a "wife" checking account for me and a "husband" checking account for Steven, and I'm going to check on an online savings account that's been inactive for awhile--see where it's at (I think there's $4.00 in it), to reactivate my account on mint.com (it's a great place to keep track of money accounts/balances), and to inventory items in our home that we don't use but could sell to close the "oh-crap-how-are-we-going-to-pay-for-this?" gap. Here's the link for the financial plan I am going to pilot, and if it works, I'll take it to Steven and get his thoughts. Each week, I will pray and study about that area of my life, I will focus on it for one week, and then I will let it marinate for another 3 weeks. I love to compartmentalize things. I work best that way, in an all-in fashion. To take a break from it after a while and pick up where I left off. & that's okay. 

I feel a lot of broken right now, or maybe I am just a little broken right now and can't see the truth because my feelings are so raw and close to the surface. But either way, I am struggling, & that's okay.